Fighting my Demon

Tomorrow I will have my next biologics infusion. It's about time. Fall temperatures in Canada are not very forgiving for people living with Arthritis. Some doctors say that those suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis aren't affected by weather changes, etc... I can tell you it affects me!

This week was not easy. The last week before my infusion I always feel the effects of my medication (Remicade) wear off. This means I wake up in pain in the morning, I have no drive to do anything, even things I know will make me feel better...

Monday was the worst. I just couldn't get up. I had dreams about pain, and woke up in pain. Not a very good night of sleep. It doesn't happen so often, but I have to remember that this is normal for me, during fall. I hate waking up depressed, not wanting to do anything but lie down and hope it'll get better.

Most of the time, I know what to do to feel better: just do, don't think. But it's hard. Getting started is the hardest. It's painful, I feel like I have no energy, no will. Being in pain takes a lot of energy from a person by the way. It is tiring. But once I've started, my focus is on accomplishing something, and my attention goes away from the pain. I have to remember that it is one of the best ways to feel better: Just DO.

I think it applies to most people in a lot of situations, being physical pain or mental demons. Sometimes we don't put our focus in the right place to be able to move forward. We look at our past or current situation, overanalyze, and we are stuck running in circles.

All that is needed to go to the next step, is simply to take that next step! How you do it doesn't really matters, you can always improve along the way. But waiting until the stars are aligned, waiting to feel better mentally, physically, etc. will just prevent you from experiencing, learning and improving.

This applies to my situation. Yes I have arthritis, but I'M NORMAL. I just have "some issue" that prevents me to move forward sometimes, like other people have demons. I have to remember that the best way to get over my demon is to move forward and DO. At least, if I don't feel much better physically, I will have the satisfaction of accomplishing something.